Every nerve in my body was mad. Tonight she was violent. It kills me to see that- due to the fact that I'm sure some things she is learning is while at school. She smacked me in the face with my shirt (and yes it hurt). She did more but I don't feel like going into details.
This is when I feel like I have failed at parenting. My authority seems to make no difference some times.
I'll admit, sometimes I don't stick to my word-but tonight I did. I held strong to her punishments, and that's about the only thing that I had going for me.
I hate seeing her that mad. I feel bad that she can't get her anger out in a constructive way.
I finally got to talk to her. I explained why I was upset and all that. When I asked her why she was like that-"I want daddy here". Stab my heart. If I could fix that I would. So we talked. I really hope she understood me. I have a lot of homework to do.
This girl knows how to get the best of me and the worst of me. I hate it and I love it. Most of all I love her. I love her too much and that's why I know I'm doing ok based on what others tell me. 
I love that one too. Who is buried in all that toy vomit. She learns way too much from her sister-but I wouldn't trade her. She's a smart cookie- she picked it all up after being asked only once.
And this little dude-he's just too busy too sleep and stay asleep! Good thing he's so darn cute!
I talked back and forth with my mom for ideas, advice and so on. She encouraged me that I'm not a failure and that Iz still loves me no matter what.
I like hearing that and I needed to hear that. I know I'm not the only mom in the world who thinks their a failure due to bad behavior, but if you do-you're not. We are designed to take this crap our kids will throw at us, and then some. Sadly, it's not easy (maybe I'll start a support group! Just kidding).
I know I'm in the right place when I look at those three and see them happy. Then I know I'm not a failure.
Until tomorrow
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