Tough choices

Just to warn anyone who reads and doesn't like "gross" stuff (even though it's not to me-you've been warned! 

I have made a very big and long thought out decision. I have decided to end my journey with pumping and nursing Adrian. I'm not stopping cold turkey because it's a process. Let me first explain why. 

Towards the end of my journey with Henry I kept getting a clogged milk duct. It's painful and it kept coming back. 

When I found out we were having Adrian I made a vow I would never pump...that way I'd not make so much milk. He obviously had other plans. Being that I couldn't nurse him right away led to forced pumping. And that pesky clogged duct. I have to force it out daily and its becoming exhausting. 

Adrian's been a champ at nursing from the day he started!  Recently, though, he's getting impatient and frustrated, which frustrates me. 

Now. To show you why I'm ok with stopping so soon. 

That's all milk. All in a short 3 months. I don't think he will ever catch up to how much I make. I'd say there is at least 400 bags plus tons of bottles from the nicu. 

I plan to mix his bottles with half formula to stretch it even longer. I also hope this helps his poop issues and we can end his miralax!  

I'm excited as this will free my mind. I'll know how much he's really eating and I can start to work on exercising. I'm planning to up my meds for my anxiety as well, which I can't do right now. I'm thinking of him, but I also have to think of me and my well being!

So I won't be tied up much longer. I have loved all of this with all four kids. I'm proud I could feed them only the best!! 

Until tomorrow 

!!