A cry for help

I’m going to be 110% blunt, raw, and honest in tonight’s blog. I need help. I need advice, I need to hear I’m doing a good job and I mostly need to know I’m not the only one dealing with this issue at home. 

Isabelle, as all of you know, is my big hearted girl who loves everyone. The kindness she demonstrates to those around her, her willingness to help others, her spirited laugh, we all know how amazing she is. She’s very bright. She’s also wise beyond her years. I could brag on and on as any mom would. 

As of late though, her personality has been changing. I know she’s somewhat depressed. I think we all have been...especially since March. Nobody knew we would be leaving school and not getting to go back until the next school year. Also throw in the fact that her body is changing and she’s becoming more hormonal. It’s a lot to deal with. 

Y’all. She’s really struggling. Like really. She was yelling at me today that I don’t understand. I don’t understand her and I don’t understand what it’s like today because I’ve never had to go through anything like this before and how she just wants a friend to play with. My mommy heart strings are pulled so hard tonight. All any parent ever wants is for their kiddo to be happy and living their best life. I feel like I’m failing her. We can’t really go anywhere and do anything because of SO many restrictions still. I try my hardest to talk to her about it and how I’m also trying my best to navigate this new “reality” we’re all in. I guess what I’m wanting to hear is that your kiddo is having trouble too. Not that I want them to, but to know and show her she’s SO not alone in this. 

This has been extremely hard for all of us. My anxiety is on over drive today because my mind can never simply shut off.  I have asked her about seeing a counselor and she told me no. I’ll ask her again when she’s in a calmer state too. I’d offer to go with her if I knew it would help. Having a third party listener and no judging. 

Ok. That was heavy. I have a lot to figure out as my kids get older. I’m not a perfect parent. I don’t want to be. I strive to be the best and give my best. I hope that one day looking back my kids see that. 

We had a physical for Henry today. It amazed me how good the kids did in keeping their masks on. I hate this new norm. I really hate it. However, they’re doing it with grace and I was proud of them this morning. All four of them. 

I’ll always do my best to protect them and make sure they’re happy. That’s my goal as a mom. 

Until next time